Review of the movie My Salinger Year (2020)

A young woman, Joanna (Margaret Qualley) leaves her musician former boyfriend, Karl (Hamza Haq) and comes to the big city New York after graduating from college.  A poet herself, she is hoping to become a published writer of poetry. 

Joanna is hired by literary agent Margaret (Sigourney Weaver) to work at a publishing house, as a person to read/answer JD Salinger’s fan mail (which Salinger was not allowed to see) and to answer his calls when he phoned, thinking this would lead to a writing career for Joanna.  The only one nice to her at work was Daniel, a higher-up staffer member (Colm Feore).  In the movie, Judy Blume (played by Gillian Doria), who wrote more books than Salinger, wasn’t treated as well.

After moving in with a married couple of friends, Joanna meets a bookstore clerk Don (Douglas Booth) who writes an explicit manuscript about himself and wants Joanna to edit it for him.  They move in together with only her name on the rental contract (his idea).   

She never seems to have time to work on her own poetry because her job involved extracurricular activities like making sure things were delivered at odd hours in addition to editing her new boyfriend’s manuscript.

If Joanna stays with either boyfriend, she will always be second without shining at all—supporting one of them and not being supported herself.   The concert musician will want her full adoration of his skills while the bookstore clerk thinks all her time should be his.  There was even a very good dream dance number with the musician boyfriend which was the end to their relationship.

JD Salinger published his first novel Catcher in the Rye in 1951 at the same publisher and his last work in 1965.   Joanna answers his calls and he questions her and encourages her to continue to write her poetry every day.

I can relate to the relationship between author and first contact.   I once worked at a publisher where I loved talking to authors about their expected payments.   I also loved the small library of published works the publishing house had.   Although I tried to get them to do imprints of smaller works like a book of my short stories, they wouldn’t go for it, so I can relate to her situation.

Catcher in the Rye was the only novel written by Salinger.   I read it when I was a teenager and I don’t remember it at all.   I’ll have to read it again.   His novel has been banned many times over the years.   Maybe because the novel’s 16-year-old Holden Caulfield’s language and life situations were and are considered to be too mature.

Let’s not forget what our young people are watching today as animation:  The Simpsons where never-aging son Bart tells his father to “eat his shorts”; South Park where in one episode, grown men make their testicles grow so huge that the men can ride on them and collect disability; Family Guy where the baby Stewie is a literally super child who commits felonies, etc.  These are things I’ve seen flipping through channels.                       

Although this movie My Salinger Year portrays Salinger as a total recluse, Riley’s article says he went to church socials in New Hampshire.   “He was hanging out with people who think good fences make good neighbors and that people who come asking about folks that prefer their privacy don’t deserve much in the way of cooperation.”

Aldrich says that Catcher is an “incredibly educational novel which promotes moral lessons essential for high schoolers.”

Salinger’s worth at his death in 2010 was $20 million.   He made most of his money selling short stories to New Yorker and other magazines.

Screenplay written and directed by Philippe Falardeau.  Based on author Joanna Rakoff’s memoir.   The MPAA rating for My Salinger Year is R for language and some sexual references.   I must have missed those things or I am used to seeing just as much of that in PG-13 movies.

Sources:

Eleanor Ringel, “’My Salinger Year’—A Lightweight Movie Based on J.D. Salinger’s Literary Agency”, saportareport.com, March 22, 2021.

Peter J. Riley, “JD Salinger Really Was a Park Avenue Rich Kid”, Forbes, October 3, 2013.

Wikipedia

Elena Nicolaou, “11 Best Judy Blume Books That Will Take You Way Back to Your Tween Years”, https://www.oprahdaily.com, April 8, 2020.

Rae Alexandra, “JD Salinger’s Pursuit of Teen Girls Gets Renewed Attention After ‘Allen v. Farrow’”, Arts and Culture, KQED.org, April 2, 2021.

Haley Aldrich, “4 Reasons the Catcher in the Rye was Banned”, Bookstr.com, June 9, 2021.

Catcher in the Rye Should Not Be Banned”, 123helpme.com.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of Movie Here Today (2021)

This movie is a hopeful, positive, and funny version of the descent into memory loss which is just one facet of Alzheimer’s disease.  You may say there is no humor in that subject, however the writer and director of this movie handle it carefully and artfully.  It uses a very different way of approaching the subject with laughter and tears.

Two unlikely people who are strangers meet for lunch.  Emma Payge (Tiffany Haddish), a young black woman, meets a white veteran comedy writer, Charles Burnz (Billy Crystal).   She uses her ex-boyfriend’s $22 raffle ticket and of course Billy is not thrilled with the idea that somebody spent so little money to lunch with him.

Charles is a comedy supervisor for a television show similar to Saturday Night Live with different actors/comedians acting out skits written for them.

Emma is a popular street singer who works with a small band which makes money from donations.  Tiffany Haddish did her own singing in this movie, singing funny songs like “Your Feet’s Too Big”.  She did a great job singing upbeat songs which drew crowds.  Her band was great also.

Charles and Emma start hanging around so much together that they become friends.   Emma and her band get an offer to tour in another state.  

Charles had developed a way to walk to work every day by memorizing the exact route.   But, one day construction blocking his usual route sends him into a panic holding up traffic.   His memory is getting so bad that he has to consult Dr. Vidor (Anna Deavere Smith).

Once Emma finds out about Charles’ inability to remember things, she decides to set aside her music career to take care of him.   “There are people outside blood can call family.” (quote from the movie)  This is the only part that is not believable to me for a couple who has not known each other long, but Emma is a person who gets along easily with most people.

Like in a horror movie I was hollering at the screen for Charles to “tell your children before its too late.”   He thinks that his children blame him for their mother’s death so he doesn’t want to tell them that he has been developing Alzheimer’s in the past few months.

I watched it on DVD 3 times.

Six other movies I’ve seen with an Alzheimer’s theme and loved them all:

“Iris” (2001) stars Dame Judith Dench and Jim Broadbent.    True story of English novelist Iris Murdoch’s descent into Alzheimer’s disease and the unconditional love of her partner of 40 years.

“The Notebook” (2004) stars Ryan Gosling and James Garner; Rachel McAdams and Gena Rowlands.  The movie goes from a young couple’s parents not wanting them to get together to their old age when the wife no longer recognizes her husband and he has to put her in a home to keep her safe.   But, she no longer knows him as anything but a stranger.  So he makes sure she reads the notebook daily until she remembers him.   But, he has to do it each time he visits.

“Away from Her” (2006) stars Julie Christie and Gordon Pinsent.   A wife is in a living facility and forgets who her husband is and starts a relationship with another man there.

“The Leisure Seeker” (2017) stars Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland.   An elderly man with Alzheimers and his wife travel in a new RV until they realize that they don’t want to travel any more and take the situation into their own hands.

“What They Had” (2018) stars Blythe Danner and Hilary Swank.   A mom wanders off to do what she is used to doing.   Her adult children have to decide what to do about mom’s safety.

“The Father” (2020) stars Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Colman.   An elderly father imagines living with a daughter and a son-in-law as well as himself living on his own.   Just when you think a scene is one way, it switches to the opposite way you just saw because the director wants you to see both sides.

Great sources:

Alzheimer’s Association of Greater Maryland, 1850 York Road D, Lutherville-Timonium, MD 21093.  410-561-9099.   I attended virtually 4 sessions presented by the Alzheimer’s Association’s (alz.org) 17th Annual Pythias A. and Virginia I. Jones African American Community Forum on Memory Loss on November 6, 13, 20 and December 4, 2021, each 10-11:30 a.m.  A lot of experts presented expert research, statistics, exercise demos, nutrition talks, etc.   The sessions were not dull.

AARP, “Dementia vs. Alzheimers—How to Tell the Difference”, Kathleen Fifield, June 15, 2020, http://www.aarp.org/dementia/alzheimer’s

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Mature Dating: Adventures in Paradise? Or A Few Good Men

Debbie Weiss wrote a few articles about mature dating on her websites PS I Love You and The Hungover Widow.  I have listed four of her articles further down.

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”

In this article, Weiss talked about the many men she dated at age fifty after her husband died.  But “They acted as if they already knew nothing was going to work out…Most implied I was going to have to change to suit them…They didn’t even seem to want sex so much as they demanded I listen to their woes.”   One guy only bought her a coffee and none for himself because of a past expensive girl friend who didn’t pay rent.

They didn’t ask questions about Weiss, but she “knew their full histories, families, financial, sometimes sexual.  They saw only the past women who’d disappointed them.   And they weren’t about to let that happen again…. Or the last woman who dumped him got tired of his coming over and bringing nothing, not love or even a shred of empathy or even, perhaps a dessert…. I better be available on demand.   Hot tubbing at his home as a second date?   He picked an expensive restaurant and wine for her to discover she would end up paying half for what she did not choose.   She never saw them again and they [were] surprised.”

Categories of men:

  1. I’ve been fucked over by women.
  2. Wants someone to jump when he calls.
  3. Aging playboy who wants easy sex but regards it as personal growth.
  4. A man she just met online who wants her to come over tonight.  “I just met you.  That’s creepy.”

She made her dating profile very specific.  She wanted a long-term, monogamous relationship.  She wanted to be too much trouble for most people.  “Revenge daters don’t want to try too hard.  Limit your time with the toxically jaded.”

And yes, Weiss did [finally] find a man who asked her a lot of questions about herself.  He read everything she’d written.   He was happy to see her every time they met.  For him, she was not the reincarnation of failures past.

My favorite paragraph from this article:

“Let’s employ Shoshin, the Zen Buddhist word for Beginner’s Mind.   It means to approach a situation as if for the very first time, with humility for what we don’t know and no preconceptions about what will happen.  We need to have hope that we will find love.  Or at least people we enjoy spending time with.”  (My sentiments exactly]

Sources:

The author of the four articles below, Debbie Wiess, found the right man for her on a dating site after six years.   You’ll read about the kinds of guys she met along the way.   She didn’t give up.   There is hope in each of the articles.   The theme of her The Hungover Widow website is “Offering empathy to those who find themselves alone at middle-age.”

“Overcoming the Bitterness That is Middle-Aged Dating, Or I Never Tried to Convince a Guy to Clean Out My Roof Gutters.”  April 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“On Dating at Middle Age:   Where Are All the Grown-up Men? Or Why Do So Few Guys Clean Out Their Refrigerators?”   Feb. 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”.   April 29, 2020.  The Hunger Over Widow, https://thehungoverwidow.com

“Why is Dating at Middle-Age so Hostile?  It All Started on the Playground.”  March 2021.  PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz.

Rosa’s Adventures in Paradise

I believe in dating and I am not bitter about it.   I’m not looking for the “man of my dreams”, he doesn’t exist.  I don’t want to put a spell on anyone, and Mr.-Right-Now is ok for now.  I want adventure, fun and if it develops into anything more, so be it.  But it will be a mutual decision. 

I have been dating online for 2 years after divorcing an unfaithful husband of 16 years (that hurt), burying one boyfriend of 16 years, and letting another one go after 9 years.   I have met some nice guys; however, I turn away those with whom I don’t have much in common:  fishing, boating, surfing, swimming, skiing, farming, horseback riding, etc., (I’m a romantic bookworm) or who live too far away (more than 30 miles) from me.  That’s not to say that I might never become interested in these things (after all, I got used to car travelling).   I answer each man who contacts me and if he’s not the one I am looking for, I write a nice note of gratitude for his time, the reason, and my hope that he finds the one woman he is looking for.  I usually get a nice response to that.

However, I found one man on the Ourtime.com dating site who liked to travel by car, which I thought was too much like camping, but I had a great time in the year and a half we were dating.  We dated (went out) for a month before establishing ground rules about sex, etc.   We made a Friends-With-Benefits agreement after a month because of both of our past baggage.  We went to church together a few times, a comedy club, a few dances (he is an “expert” hand dancer), Montreal Jazz Festival to see George Benson, a resort near Disneyland, gathered shells on Myrtle Beach, etc. He was a great listener…we’d both talked for hours about the things that were important to each of us. And, we had a mutual parting which didn’t hurt a bit.   He was a man I enjoyed being with and he liked me because of my independence.  I’m not saying I would or would not do that again, but we had fun.   I consider him a successful match-up.

On the BLK dating website, I met about 7 men who lived not too far from me, but they seemed not to have time to talk.  I found a phone-only male friend on BLK a few months ago with whom I still talk daily.   I dated another man on BLK who didn’t even make it two weeks.  He was always wanting to rush everything.  We did not make a connection.  I’m still on BLK so maybe there’s still hope.

What I’ve found on dating sites:  

  1. Men contacting me from hundreds of miles away.   35 men fit that category.
  2. Some men saying, they would move to where I am.   Or they visit a relative near me on occasion or own property in the same city.
  3. Men who were too scruffy with hair protruding from their noses and floating all around their heads.  I like a man who has his facial hair under control.
  4. While most men were pretty polite and patient, there were a couple of men who were bitchy and rude.  
  5. Like in Debbie Wiess’s article above, I’ve also read contacts from men who obviously have been hurt—who demand “no baby mama drama,” “no loans”, “not a sugar daddy”, etc.).  Luckily for me they lived too far away from me.
  6. In my life, I’ve dated men of different types:  fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, same age and older.
  7. I like a man who likes to dance, but I’m no marathoner.   Slow dance, hand dance, line dancing, etc., suits me fine.

On the subject of someone wanting to change you:

For example, Disney’s The Little Mermaid had to grow legs to be married to a prince.  I prefer the movie Splash in which the man left his human life to be with the mermaid he loved under the sea.   Also, in the movie The Shape of Water [spoiler alert] the creature took his love to the sea where she should have been anyway.  Duh, she had gills and he had some terrifically sharp fingernails (probably great for catching their dinner instead of eating all those boiled eggs she used to feed him).

No, I’m not bitter, just adventurous and a hopeless romantic!   And, I don’t have to “Sit Still, Look Pretty” (Daya).

Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” [picture Anastasia Steele’s first helicopter ride with Christian Grey]

Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line’s “Meant to Be” [picture a waitress with a desire to become a singer and be loved]

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Say something positive every chance you get!

I miss being in a group of like-minded positive people:  friends, other authors, worshippers, mothers, children, fathers, cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc.   I find that phone calls, sending cards or letters, and even virtual meetings will suffice until things get better. 

What I have said a lot to people during this pandemic, “I miss… your smile, wisdom, pleasant personality, hugging you, etc.”   Elbow and fist bumps will have to do for now.

Things I have said to people in the past:

“I love the color of your suit.”   The female vice president thanked me for the compliment and her frown turned into a smile.

“Don’t let nobody tell you that you are not fiiinnneee (fine)!”  To a man who picked up my car to be serviced who looked like the reincarnation of a younger “Mr. Clean”—bald head, earrings, and muscles, too.   He blushed.

“You have beautiful skin”.  I told a lady who was helping me register for a class.

A lady told me that I have beautiful skin which both pleased and surprised me but was pleasant to hear.

I have even complimented people on their masks (political, nature, horror, sports, etc.), their eyes, their voices, their hair, etc.

You might be surprised how much it will help your day and theirs.   Passiton.com is a website with many positive stories.

The song below may be perceived as sad, but I don’t see it that way.   I had a boyfriend (one of a few) who wanted to break up with me but could not.   So, I broke up with him.   We had made an agreement at the beginning of the relationship that it was “friends with benefits” only.   I guess he thought that I would “act up”.   That has never been me!   So, I saved him the trouble.   It was really a relief because I have never wanted to stay with anyone who did not want me or was more trouble than they were worth (another story).

 Song:

“Say something, I’m giving up on you

I’ll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would have followed you…”

Sung by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera, 2013.

Source:  Musixmatch

Songwriters:  Campbell Mike/Axel Ian/Campbelle Mike

Lyrics © Reservoir 416, Ian Axel Music, Chad Vaccarino Publishing, Manhattan Astronaut Music, Songs of Universal, Inc.

It has a romantic melody, but maybe a sad message.   

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

The Good Enough Life

Editor’s Note, “Wanting What You’ve Got”, p. 5.

“Acceptance is not acquiescence.  Acquiescence is quiet, desperate defeat.  Acceptance is the ability to distinguish between a want and a need, and to abjure [solemnly renounce] the former.

My husband wants a sienna-tiled villa hanging off an Amalfi cliff, with a yellow Porsche and a green Ferrari in the garage.  (I just want the house.)  But he concedes that he does not need it.  In fact, it would be a hassle to actually own it all.  Acceptance sheds the need.   Acquiescence is not wanting to let go of the need and doing so only reluctantly.

To pursue the good-enough life is to accept imperfection, not to acquiesce to terms that make one miserable.

From the Stoics to some of the best cognitive behavioral techniques of the 20th and 21 centuries, we are reminded of the importance of acceptance.

If we choose our battles well, if we frame the immutable as trade-off rather than dead-end, if we find that one talent rather than rue the ones we will never acquire, then ‘good enough’ is indeed the best path forward.”   Twitter: @KajaPerina

@@@@@@@@@@@@

You Are Good Enough, p.26

“You were not at the top of the class, not the employee of the month, nor are you the ‘10’ you think your partner wants.   But you are probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.  If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.”

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The Good-Enough Partner:  When Your Partner Is Not Your Romantic Ideal, by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., p.45

“Having a good enough partner implies making some compromises that are contrary to romance.

Enough can be defined as ‘as much as necessary.’  In ideal love, enough is not enough, and you cannot get enough of your partner—the better she [or he] is, the more you want.   Nevertheless, some people are not fortunate enough to have even a ‘good-enough’ partner—they might have a ‘just-enough’ partner or a ‘barely enough’ partner.   Consequently, many people settle for a partner who is no good for them at all. 

This becomes more complex, as someone who initially seems barely good enough can end up being the most suitable partner.  A nicer-looking wealthier woman might not be good for you if her values and attitude do not jibe with yours.  In short, constant comparison is lethal. 

We do not expect Mr. Right to fulfill all our needs, as some of these needs are fulfilled by us, ourselves.   As in the story of the pot of gold buried in the garden, sometimes the treasure can be found right at home.”

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How to Polish Your Personality:  …Change starts with a critical assessment of your traits and whether they work well for you—or don’t.  By Grant H. Brenner, M.D., pp.46-53.

“Katherine was grappling with a problem of identity, a problem, that, I find, is much more common today than is generally recognized.  Who she really was had been suppressed for years, in part due to her sense of duty, in part to her desire to please others, and in part to worries about what would happen if she did not conform.  Yet she never completely forgot who she was.

When the circumstances of her life and marriage changed, the authentic needs and personality traits she had long downplayed took on new importance.  She now had more opportunities and the freedom to pursue them.   The awareness of mortality can be clarifying.  It drives a lot of our decisions.”

Source: Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com, March/April 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of movie Stan and Ollie (2018)

I’ve always liked Laurel and Hardy as performers.   They portrayed two kind and sincere people who loved life but life didn’t seem to love them. Their characters had several careers to which they were neither suited nor qualified.   They danced, sang, and made jokes in their movies and live performances.    If you have never seen any of their old material, you are in for a calming treat.  

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy began in silent movies until talkies and lasted from 1927-1955.   In 1927, “Putting Pants on Philip” was their first official film released featuring the comedy duo of Laurel and Hardy.

1937 was the height of their careers and they should have had a luxurious life but Oliver wasn’t good with money.  They were in 107 short movies, feature films, and cameo roles.   In 1953, they went on their last tours as illustrated in the movie.   Lots of books have been written about them.  

Oliver (played by John C. Reilly) feels that Hal Roach (played by Danny Huston) is not paying him enough of the profits from their movies.   Roach feels that Oliver should stop collecting wives and get a better handle on his money.  The trouble comes when Laurel (played by Steve Coogan) doesn’t support Stan in his attempt to get more money.   Roach’s solution is to replace Oliver with another comedian.

John C. Reilly is a great character actor who came into his own after movies such as Talladega Nights:  The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, Delores Claiborne, Dark Water, Guardians of the Galaxy, and the musical film Chicago that I’ve seen him in, but he has been in 105 movies.

Steve Coogan is also a great character actor of whom I have not seen enough.  I saw him as a villain in the movie The Other Guys, but he, like Reilly, has been in a lot of movies.

Danny Huston I would also describe as a character actor.   I’ve seen him in a few movies such as a vampire leader in 30 Days of Night, a military commander trying to steal the powers of and get rid of all mutants in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a Nazi commander greedy for power in Wonder Woman, a man using Hitchcock’s wife to get Alfred Hitchcock to read his script in the movie Hitchcock among others.

Shirley Henderson plays Oliver Hardy’s wife, Lucille.   She is a tiny woman with a tiny voice whom I’ve seen in a lot of British movies.   I’ve seen her as a drowned little girl ghost Moaning Myrtle in two Harry Potter movies, Jude in three Bridget Jones movies, Edythe in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, Ursula Blake in Dr. Who, DS Angela Young in Death in Paradise, and doing Babu Frik’s voice in Star Wars:  The Rise of Skywalker.

Nina Arianda plays Stan Laurel’s bossy outspoken wife Ida Kitaeva Raphael Laurel with a Russian accent.  She was very good in the role. Unfortunately, the only movie I’ve seen her in is Midnight in Paris, but she is noted for many movies and plays.

Stan and Ollie was directed by Jon S. Baird.  The movie is very true to the acts they performed in real life.   I loved the movie.  Thanks for giving me insight into their lives.

Source:  Wikipedia    

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Lovemaking Preferred

Is love-making the same as sex?   It can be.   Does love-making require sexual intercourse?   Usually it occurs but it is not always required if lovemaking is done right.

Lovemaking means more than just a “wham-bam-thank you-mam or -sir” kind of interaction although that is acceptable on occasion.  WBTYMOS has its place but when you have the time, do it right.  Putting more time in makes it interesting.   Lovemaking could take hours.

I have known men who only performed “wham-bam” consistently without lovemaking or foreplay at all.   But I have also been driven into a frenzy by men who knew how to make love or preferred long sexual foreplay.   I prefer love-making the majority of the time.

It can start with a look, a smell, a touch, a laugh, a giggle, a taste, a voice, a written message, a dance, etc.—things that attract you to another person.  Get to know the person by phone calls, text messages, in person, etc.   Lovemaking should be employed specifically the way you and the person to whom you are attracted like it.  

Lovemaking is multi-faceted:  sucking, licking, touching, breathing in ear, fingering various openings on the body, body to body, toes inserted into interesting places, etc.  Any of these actions can be done separately or in combination.   Spooning (holding each other both in the same direction as spoons laid sideways, cuddling, etc.) “may have the surprising ability to reduce pain…helps in releasing feel-good hormones which in turn can reduce stress levels in both partners.”  (“Spooning—What is Spooning & Its Secret Benefits for Your Health”, https://www.nectarsleep.co.uk/blog, April 15, 2019.)

Men and women who probably have the best sex are those who have mastered lovemaking. Some people appreciate variety using edible things during sex like strawberries, whipped cream, edible lubricants, edible underwear, etc., as a change of pace or variety.  As in the past, people are still having sex in cars, on a bed, on the floor, on a billiard table, etc.   Let your imagination run wild, but safely.   For example, sex while paragliding or on a ski lift might be too dangerous for anyone except the fictional James Bond.

No Strings Attached (NSA) sex is another term for “having sex with nothing bonding the two parties together.  There is a culture of ‘hooking up’ that has become popular among college students and young adults”.  “No Stings Attached Sex (NSA): Can Women Really Do It”,   https://www.psychologytoday.com, November 20, 2011.  The movie that comes to mind is “No Strings Attached”, 2011, with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.  The woman had no trouble having no strings attached.

Friends with benefits (FWB) is “commonly defined as a sexual relationship between two people where the primary basis of the relationship is sex with no expectations of a romantic relationship or other commitment” like marriage or living together. “Friends With Benefits (FWB)—What Does It Really Mean”, https://www.justbewild.com, September 6, 2019.   The movie that comes to mind is “Friends with Benefits”, 2011, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.   Also, the movie “Mistrust” 2018 comes to mind, starring Jane Seymour, Parker Stevenson (great to see him), Patrick Bristow, etc.  However, it could have had a better title or it was given that title just to spark interest.

There are similarities between NSA and FWB, but I find that things can be added to the agreement such as treating each other to trips and vacations, being available to escort and pick each other up from doctor visits or hospital stays and visiting each other’s homes for sex which may or may not become long-term relationships.  One can have all the bells and whistles with or without marriage.  For example, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell had been together without marriage since 1983.

Long Term Relationship (LTR) is the ultimate goal for some.  LTR implies that two people want only each other, a joint home, and possibly children.  “21 Bits of Relationship Advice from People in Long-Lasting Relationships”, Andy Golder, https://www.buzzfeed.com/,  January 6, 2019.   “What Makes a Relationship Last Long”, Andrew Ferebee, 3X Bestselling Dating Author/Men’s Relationship Coach/Founder of Knowledge for Men, Quora (Report), https://www.quora.com/, August 7, 2017.   

The comedic “Thin Man” detective movies (1934-1947) come to mind starring Myrna Loy and William Powell in a happy marriage that is always in physical and emotional danger.   Also, the animated Pixar film “Up” specifically shows how the elderly husband met his wife beginning in childhood and stayed with her until she died, even trying to get their house to the one spot they had been promising each other to move to for years—from happy marriage to dangerous adventure.

Final thought—If you are strangers to each other, remember communicable and sexually transmitted diseases existed before Coronavirus COVID-19, so social distance, wash hands, and wear a mask.   However, on the news recently, I saw a man in a bubble walking with a new girlfriend and another man who was wooing a woman from separate rooftops. This proves that new relationships can be started even in this stressful time.  “A Guide to Sex and Love in the Time of Covid-19”, https://www.healthline.com, Gabrielle Kassel, March 21, 2020.

Healthline.com is an excellent source for anything to do with health.   That website covers a variety of topics like “Are There Any Side Effects of Sexual Activity?”, Gabrielle Kassel, June 5, 2020; “Everything to Know about Male Genitalia”, Jill Seladi-Schulman, June 5, 2020; and “20 Reasons You Should Be Spooning, Variations to Consider and More”, Lauren Sharkey, November 22, 2019, to name a few.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of movie, Moms’ Night Out (2014)

I saw this movie on DVD from the public library.

This movie is about moms who are stressed to the point of violent acts or suicide, but it’s a comedy.   I was nearly stressed out in watching the movie myself because I thought it was going to turn into a horror movie, but I had to continue to watch to see how it came out.   All of the moms have issues, not unlike mothers today, and the issues revolved around their husbands and children.

The main mom Allyson (Sarah Drew) swears she can’t do anything right in trying to raise three small children with her husband Dr. Sean (Sean Astin), who can’t understand why there is such a problem.  Even with his wife in hysterics almost daily, he can’t understand why.   She only came up for air once when her little girl had made crayon drawings on the wall and she decided to put frames around them.   I thought she would continue to calm down then, but, no, she fussed out someone at a restaurant, etc., on her night out.  I thought she should go to counseling along with her husband and then maybe her husband would really be able to see her side.

Mom Sondra (Patricia Heaton) thinks she has to be perfect at all times in her role as a pastor’s wife (husband Ray played by Alex Kendrick), and be the correctional officer over their one daughter at the rebellious teenage age.    I felt most sorry for the pastor’s wife who had to be “on” all the time no matter where she went.   Everyone in her husband’s flock, the other moms, her neighborhood, and the world at large used her for their confessor, therapist, etc., and she had no one to confide in, even her busy husband.

Mom Izzy (Andrea Logan White) is actually the calmest of the group of moms but is stressed thinking that she may be pregnant with a third child with her usually hysterical husband (Robert Amaya).   Here’s where the roles are reversed.  The husband is like Allyson in that he feels he can’t do anything right with his children.

Although the husbands don’t have a clue about the plight of their wives, the voices of reason are the men in the movie, except for Izzy’s husband.   Even a male single friend, Kevin (Kevin Downes) was also the voice of reason in his calmness in any situation to which he applied his own solutions.

That tall drink of water, Bones (Trace Atkins), biker/tattoo shop owner, gave Allyson some good advice when the other two mothers were arrested.    She finally had a chance to calm down while waiting for the police to release the other two moms.   Bones spoke things God must have put on his heart to tell her about not trying to be perfect in her life, but to calm down, etc.   The thing is he couldn’t remember what he had told her after the other moms were released.

In spite of the hysterics, the movie is very well made.    I enjoyed it once I got de-stressed.   It was directed by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and John), young guys with a lot of energy.   Half the actors were producers.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Four Factors–Great Sex for a Man

On 6/15/18, Matthew Boggs on Youtube suggested four things that men would like in sex.

They were:

  1. Frequency
  2. Variety (“routine lulls the brain to sleep”, “different rooms”)
  3. Fantasy (“fulfillment of same”)
  4. Intensity

Those four things are also important to a lot of women.

Maybe the men who don’t like sex much should get together with the women or partners who don’t like sex much.   You just know there are some out there.   And, leave us others to it.

Check out Matthew on Youtube.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

 

 

 

 

Whipped (And Not in a Good Way) 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.”  C. S. Lewis

Whether we are male or female, we shouldn’t have to give up everything we are to be in a relationship with anyone else.   Even if you accept the person as they are, be prepared for changes in that person and also in yourself sometime in the future.    Hair styles change, fashion changes, weight changes, knowledge changes, etc.  Discuss the intangibles before attaching yourself to another person.   Ask the “What if” questions.

Too many times on television shows or in movies, women are depicted as loud mouths.   The shows depict that the men always give in to everything the bully (wife or girlfriend) wants.    The women are always raging in the top of the house, which the Bible discourages in the book of Proverbs chapter 31.  The passage describes a woman with prospects.       I soon tire of those shows and stop watching.

Examples:

The wife/mother in the tv show “Are we there yet?”

The wife/mother in the tv show “Everyone Hates Chris”

The wife/mother in the tv show “Everyone Loves Raymond”

The wife in the tv show “The King of Queens”

Janet Jackson played a raging wife in the movie “Why Did I Get Married Too”.    In the first movie, Janet’s character had the answer to everything, but she had lost her mind by the sequel.   Mind you, I didn’t see any reason for her to be raging that counseling over the death of her son wouldn’t have helped.   Guilt can make you do strange things.

The wife in the television movie, “Men Don’t Tell”, didn’t just rage, but physically abused her husband who was a regular guy who would have not taken that kind of abuse from a man.   What she did to him was unusual.

The husband in the movie, N-Secure, married a beautiful woman and immediately tried to drastically change her appearance and where she could go.   I believe what you did to attract the person initially or what you were attracted to in another person shouldn’t be drastically changed because you are in a relationship.   The husband ended up trying to kill his wife because she wanted to escape his abusive ways.

In the movie, How to Make an American Quilt, a wife who was a former swimmer, stifled her own ambitions after marriage and pregnancies.   Marriage counseling might have done her some good.  She broke up her own family because of her insecurities.

I don’t believe there is such a thing as a 50/50 relationship.   Who determines what goes into the formula which results in that half and half?   Get in where you can fit in.  Each partner in the relationship should be able to stand on his/her own feet and bring something to the table.

Some people say that prenuptial agreements before a marriage spell doom for the marriage.   I disagree.  Each party should bring something to the table other than sex or money.   If all you want is sex, it would be cheaper to just pay for it without marriage.   What about personality, goals, plans, etc.?   If all you want is money, be honest about it, and get hired by the potential partner.

And, what happens after you marry or hook-up?    Marriages or partnerships may not work out even with the best of intentions.   For instance, in the movie, The Leisure Seeker, an elderly couple discovered that each had been unfaithful at some point during their marriage.  And, this was a couple who thought they had a perfect marriage.

How does this sound—one fourth of the time for self, one fourth for your partner/husband/wife, one fourth for children, one fourth for work?   That would include date nights with the husband/wife/partner, outings with either’s friends, and outings with the kids (school projects, sports, etc.).   If each has the other’s welfare at heart, the relationship may work.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin