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Cheikh Anta Diop

Senegalese author, historian, anthropologist, physicist who thought that “Ancient Egypt was a Negro Civilization”.

Kim Moir said on Facebook that he read this author’s book The African Origin of Civilization.

Sarah Rector

At the age of 10, she became the richest black child in the world.  She received a land grant from the Cree Nation as part of reparations.

By 1912, revenue from oil on the land was $371,000 per year (approximately $6.5 million today).  Sarah resisted attempts to steal her land and fortune.  She attended the Tuskegee University and settled in Kansas City, Missouri, where her mansion still stands.

Tanya Deshields shared this information with us on Facebook.

Demisexuality

Discussed on The Real tv show, demi-sexuality refers to an emotional connection with another person before sex or before actually meeting.

“Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person.  They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity.   The prefix “demi” means half—which can refer to being halfway between sexual and asexual.

Demisexuality can be a type of graysexuality.    A graysexual person may experience sexual attraction only rarely, or they may feel sexual attraction but are not that interested in sex…  

They only feel secondary attraction—the type of attraction that happens after knowing someone for a while.”

“Demisexuality:  What Does It Mean?”, https://www.webmd.com, June 28, 2021.

Aromantic

“People who are aromantic can still have intense, loving feelings, they’re just not romantic in nature.  They can form emotional and personal connections, and they can provide and benefit from empathetic support. “

The first time I saw this word aromantic, I was reading Lizzie Damilola Blackburn’s novel, Yinka, Where is Your Huzband? with my bookclub.   A female character, Nana, said she was aromantic.   Quote: “People like me don’t really experience romantic feelings.  We’re not fussed about getting into relationships…Don’t worry, I only found out about the term the other day.  Someone posted about it on Twitter, and I was like, wait a minute, that is so me.”

“What does Aromantic mean?”, https://www.webmd.com, June 27, 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Hoarding versus Collecting

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Hoarding

Back in the 50s when I was born, you didn’t just throw things away.  You kept them for a time when you might need them again i.e., baby clothes, or you checked to see if a relative or friend needed it or donated it to charity, especially if you had a large family.

In my youth, I used to give away clothes I could no longer wear because I’d gained or lost weight.   I refused to wait until I was my perfect weight to wear those clothes again.  However, in the last few years my behavior has changed.   I’ve gotten way behind in keeping up the annual evaluation of the importance of things and documents to the point of hoarding.

In recent years I started keeping gifts others gave me as well as the things the gifts came in…pretty wrapping paper, pretty shopping bags, envelopes, pretty ribbons, etc. in case I can use them again.   Also, well-meaning friends and even strangers give you gifts you don’t want and I end up stockpiling things I don’t want or need.  And, I’m of the old school thinking in which it would be shameful to give away what’s been given to you as a gift.  I’ve recently donated perfectly good clothes that made me feel older than I am though.  

A move to a smaller home brought the issue to the front when Laura McCamy and her partner moved from a large house.   “I had a hard time getting rid of things, even if they no longer made sense in my life. My ‘poverty mentality’ was holding me back but getting rid of those items freed up mental and physical space.    I no longer have to look at the things I no longer need.   I no longer have to look at them and wonder what I’m going to do with them.   I define poverty mentality as living in unnecessary scarcity and fear.  It leads me to make poor decisions about the possessions I bring into my home.   Clothes that don’t fit…and furniture I don’t need.   Yes, perhaps the item is broken/ugly/doesn’t fit me/doesn’t fit in our house, but my poverty mentality tells me that I need to keep it because I will never be able to afford another.” 

For example, Laura lost a pair of eyeglasses in her clutter, and found them when moving after having expensively replaced them.   I did the same with a set of keys which turned up a few months later in a winter coat.   I also lost costume jewelry I had bought a couple of weeks before and found under some other clutter recently.   We had finally gotten rid of a closetful of plastic bags to a recycle bin only to find out that the local government banned the plastic ones for paper bags which are too flimsy to hold a gallon of milk.    I’ve seen some restaurant dinners fall out of paper bags. (See Laura McCamy in Sources below)

According to mayoclinic.org, “Hoarding disorder is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them.  The hoarder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items.   Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs.” 

According to Adaa.org, “The behavior usually has harmful effects—emotional, physical, social, financial, and even legal—for a hoarder and their family members.  The home lacks functional organization or living space.   The hoarder refuses to let others see the hoarding.   Hoarding may cause extreme debt.   The hoarder may be embarrassed or depressed after acquiring more”. 

“At the turn of the 20th century, people rarely needed money because they grew food to sell or trade.  Food stockpiles had to be maintained especially in winter.  People experienced the poverty of the fear of such horrid times in the future—for example, a grandmother’s large collection of gifted silverware, plates and glasses from her wedding.  Hoarding has its roots in poverty in their youth and not having enough.  They saved stuff as well as money because of uncertainty.” (See Rubbish Please below in Sources)

While some other people think poverty has nothing to do with hoarding.   According to MedicineNet.com, “the reasons someone becomes a hoarder include altered brain connections, genetics, stress, OCD, environmental factors and altered levels of serotonin.   (See Medicinenet.com below in Sources)

Collecting

The other end of the spectrum is keeping things until they become valuable.   We’ve all heard of people who have kept toys, musical records, baseball cards, etc. until somebody wants to give them thousands or millions of dollars for it.  If you haven’t heard of this, check out PBS’s Antiques Road Show where people get value for things kept since the 1800’s or older.   It’s possible and even likely though that you won’t be around to get that kind of benefit…maybe a relative or the state will when you die.  But, by all means, keep things that are valuable but sometimes it’s hard to know what will become valuable in the future.   That also could be a reason to hoard.   Suppose some movie studio is looking for just that old refrigerator of yours or an old desk to use in a movie.   People have become millionaires by renting their vintage cars, etc., to Hollywood.

Oh yes, we can’t forget invisible digital money which can also make you a millionaire or a pauper.   For example, Elon Musk was pushing this heavily at first, but is surprisingly silent about it now.   If you are the one who ends up holding and not folding, you could end up in the poor house.   There are all kinds of gimmicks to make you rich, like flipping houses for example.   There was a man who went to one of those seminars and tried to flip 10 houses at a time and lost everything.   Having too many of anything is not necessarily the answer.

Now, I give gift cards instead of buying a gift, because unless you know the person well, you don’t really know what they would like.   And, I would really like the person to enjoy the gift and not be put in the same predicament of hoarding or re-gifting things they don’t want to keep to avoid hurting the giver’s feelings.

Even the Bible says, “God gives a man riches, wealth, and honor, so that he lacks nothing his heart desires; but God does not allow him to enjoy them.   Instead, a stranger will enjoy them.  This is futile and a grievous affliction.”  Ecclesiastes 6:2

Sources:

Laura McCamy, “Decluttering My Home of 17 years Showed Me My ‘Poverty Mentality’ Has Been Doing Me More Harm Than Good”, https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/decluttering-my-home-poverty-mentality-harms-2021-10.

Rubbish Please, “Connecting Domestic Hoarding & Poverty”, February 1, 2016, London, https://www.rubbishplease.co.uk/blog/connecting-domestic-hoarding-poverty/

Medicinenet.com, Medical author Karthik Kumar MBBS, Medical reviewer Pallavi Suyog Uttekar, MD. “Why does a Person Become a Hoarder?”, March 5, 2021

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Caregiver, Allow Yourself to Be Helped!

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Some of you may know The Parable of the Drowning Man.

In a flood, a man sat on his rooftop praying for God to help him.  Well, a rowboat came along to help but the man said basically “this is not the way God will save me.”   Someone else came along in a motorboat. Although the water was rising, the man thought “this is not the way God’s going to save me either”.   Finally, when the water had risen to the roof, a helicopter pilot hollered at him through a bullhorn that this was his last chance.   He refused with wet feet and drowned.   He went to heaven and asked God why He didn’t save him.   And God answered, ”I sent you two boats and a helicopter”.

We too as caregivers male and female are guilty some times of not taking help when it’s offered.

 I Kings 19:11-12

“And He said, go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.   And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”

Sometimes God is not in the spectacular but in the still small voice.   We as caregivers sometimes tend to second-guess God as the drowning man did.   We don’t take help when it is offered.   A friend, a relative, and even a stranger who becomes a friend may offer help but we refuse.   Are we too tired, too stressed, too overwhelmed, too much of a perfectionist thinking nobody else can do it like us?  We pass up opportunity after opportunity for “me-time” to go out and have some fun, have some quiet time to ourselves, accept a smile, a hug, a visit, a friendly phone call, a job, church, a movie, etc.

Even the person you are caring for may tell you that “you look tired, you need some time away from me” as Teraleen Campbell’s mother told her in her book, Carefree to Caregiver.   Sometimes we feel guilty thinking that the person you are caring for will think less of you if you take time for yourself.  It still takes a village to care for our loved ones.   You need to establish your own group of relievers. 

“It can happen so slowly that you don’t even notice it as you push your own social needs aside.”

Even the one you are caring for may be able to do some things if you let them from a to-do list of your making, i.e., open the blinds, wash their own eyeglasses, make their bed, get the mail or newspaper, put out a fresh dish towel, wind the clock, etc.   And, if they don’t do it perfectly, accept their imperfection like God does with all of us caregivers.

The Mayo Clinic suggests that you:

  1. Accept help – don’t try to care for your loved one alone.
  2. Focus on what you are able to provide.
  3. Set realistic goals.
  4. Get connected.
  5. Join a support group.
  6. Seek social support.
  7. Set your own personal health goals.
  8. Take a break.
  9. Get short-term nursing help when you need it.
  10. Check local resources like the Department of Aging, AARP, etc.

Many of us have had “on-the-job training” when it comes to those we care about, but it’s alright to learn and prepare.

Sources: 

“Caregiver Tools:  10 Things to Add to Your Toolkit” [Me time], Medically reviewed by Judith Marcin, M.D., written by Ann Pietrangelo, updated on November 21, 2016.  Healthline.com.

“Caregiver Stress:  Tips for Taking Care of Yourself”, mayoclinic.org, December 16, 2020.

Parable versions:  Rationalwiki.org, Truthbook.com

Scripture from Authorized King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2001.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Mature Dating: Adventures in Paradise? Or A Few Good Men

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Debbie Weiss wrote a few articles about mature dating on her websites PS I Love You and The Hungover Widow.  I have listed four of her articles further down.

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”

In this article, Weiss talked about the many men she dated at age fifty after her husband died.  But “They acted as if they already knew nothing was going to work out…Most implied I was going to have to change to suit them…They didn’t even seem to want sex so much as they demanded I listen to their woes.”   One guy only bought her a coffee and none for himself because of a past expensive girl friend who didn’t pay rent.

They didn’t ask questions about Weiss, but she “knew their full histories, families, financial, sometimes sexual.  They saw only the past women who’d disappointed them.   And they weren’t about to let that happen again…. Or the last woman who dumped him got tired of his coming over and bringing nothing, not love or even a shred of empathy or even, perhaps a dessert…. I better be available on demand.   Hot tubbing at his home as a second date?   He picked an expensive restaurant and wine for her to discover she would end up paying half for what she did not choose.   She never saw them again and they [were] surprised.”

Categories of men:

  1. I’ve been fucked over by women.
  2. Wants someone to jump when he calls.
  3. Aging playboy who wants easy sex but regards it as personal growth.
  4. A man she just met online who wants her to come over tonight.  “I just met you.  That’s creepy.”

She made her dating profile very specific.  She wanted a long-term, monogamous relationship.  She wanted to be too much trouble for most people.  “Revenge daters don’t want to try too hard.  Limit your time with the toxically jaded.”

And yes, Weiss did [finally] find a man who asked her a lot of questions about herself.  He read everything she’d written.   He was happy to see her every time they met.  For him, she was not the reincarnation of failures past.

My favorite paragraph from this article:

“Let’s employ Shoshin, the Zen Buddhist word for Beginner’s Mind.   It means to approach a situation as if for the very first time, with humility for what we don’t know and no preconceptions about what will happen.  We need to have hope that we will find love.  Or at least people we enjoy spending time with.”  (My sentiments exactly]

Sources:

The author of the four articles below, Debbie Wiess, found the right man for her on a dating site after six years.   You’ll read about the kinds of guys she met along the way.   She didn’t give up.   There is hope in each of the articles.   The theme of her The Hungover Widow website is “Offering empathy to those who find themselves alone at middle-age.”

“Overcoming the Bitterness That is Middle-Aged Dating, Or I Never Tried to Convince a Guy to Clean Out My Roof Gutters.”  April 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“On Dating at Middle Age:   Where Are All the Grown-up Men? Or Why Do So Few Guys Clean Out Their Refrigerators?”   Feb. 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”.   April 29, 2020.  The Hunger Over Widow, https://thehungoverwidow.com

“Why is Dating at Middle-Age so Hostile?  It All Started on the Playground.”  March 2021.  PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz.

Rosa’s Adventures in Paradise

I believe in dating and I am not bitter about it.   I’m not looking for the “man of my dreams”, he doesn’t exist.  I don’t want to put a spell on anyone, and Mr.-Right-Now is ok for now.  I want adventure, fun and if it develops into anything more, so be it.  But it will be a mutual decision. 

I have been dating online for 2 years after divorcing an unfaithful husband of 16 years (that hurt), burying one boyfriend of 16 years, and letting another one go after 9 years.   I have met some nice guys; however, I turn away those with whom I don’t have much in common:  fishing, boating, surfing, swimming, skiing, farming, horseback riding, etc., (I’m a romantic bookworm) or who live too far away (more than 30 miles) from me.  That’s not to say that I might never become interested in these things (after all, I got used to car travelling).   I answer each man who contacts me and if he’s not the one I am looking for, I write a nice note of gratitude for his time, the reason, and my hope that he finds the one woman he is looking for.  I usually get a nice response to that.

However, I found one man on the Ourtime.com dating site who liked to travel by car, which I thought was too much like camping, but I had a great time in the year and a half we were dating.  We dated (went out) for a month before establishing ground rules about sex, etc.   We made a Friends-With-Benefits agreement after a month because of both of our past baggage.  We went to church together a few times, a comedy club, a few dances (he is an “expert” hand dancer), Montreal Jazz Festival to see George Benson, a resort near Disneyland, gathered shells on Myrtle Beach, etc. He was a great listener…we’d both talked for hours about the things that were important to each of us. And, we had a mutual parting which didn’t hurt a bit.   He was a man I enjoyed being with and he liked me because of my independence.  I’m not saying I would or would not do that again, but we had fun.   I consider him a successful match-up.

On the BLK dating website, I met about 7 men who lived not too far from me, but they seemed not to have time to talk.  I found a phone-only male friend on BLK a few months ago with whom I still talk daily.   I dated another man on BLK who didn’t even make it two weeks.  He was always wanting to rush everything.  We did not make a connection.  I’m still on BLK so maybe there’s still hope.

What I’ve found on dating sites:  

  1. Men contacting me from hundreds of miles away.   35 men fit that category.
  2. Some men saying, they would move to where I am.   Or they visit a relative near me on occasion or own property in the same city.
  3. Men who were too scruffy with hair protruding from their noses and floating all around their heads.  I like a man who has his facial hair under control.
  4. While most men were pretty polite and patient, there were a couple of men who were bitchy and rude.  
  5. Like in Debbie Wiess’s article above, I’ve also read contacts from men who obviously have been hurt—who demand “no baby mama drama,” “no loans”, “not a sugar daddy”, etc.).  Luckily for me they lived too far away from me.
  6. In my life, I’ve dated men of different types:  fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, same age and older.
  7. I like a man who likes to dance, but I’m no marathoner.   Slow dance, hand dance, line dancing, etc., suits me fine.

On the subject of someone wanting to change you:

For example, Disney’s The Little Mermaid had to grow legs to be married to a prince.  I prefer the movie Splash in which the man left his human life to be with the mermaid he loved under the sea.   Also, in the movie The Shape of Water [spoiler alert] the creature took his love to the sea where she should have been anyway.  Duh, she had gills and he had some terrifically sharp fingernails (probably great for catching their dinner instead of eating all those boiled eggs she used to feed him).

No, I’m not bitter, just adventurous and a hopeless romantic!   And, I don’t have to “Sit Still, Look Pretty” (Daya).

Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” [picture Anastasia Steele’s first helicopter ride with Christian Grey]

Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line’s “Meant to Be” [picture a waitress with a desire to become a singer and be loved]

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

The Good Enough Life

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Editor’s Note, “Wanting What You’ve Got”, p. 5.

“Acceptance is not acquiescence.  Acquiescence is quiet, desperate defeat.  Acceptance is the ability to distinguish between a want and a need, and to abjure [solemnly renounce] the former.

My husband wants a sienna-tiled villa hanging off an Amalfi cliff, with a yellow Porsche and a green Ferrari in the garage.  (I just want the house.)  But he concedes that he does not need it.  In fact, it would be a hassle to actually own it all.  Acceptance sheds the need.   Acquiescence is not wanting to let go of the need and doing so only reluctantly.

To pursue the good-enough life is to accept imperfection, not to acquiesce to terms that make one miserable.

From the Stoics to some of the best cognitive behavioral techniques of the 20th and 21 centuries, we are reminded of the importance of acceptance.

If we choose our battles well, if we frame the immutable as trade-off rather than dead-end, if we find that one talent rather than rue the ones we will never acquire, then ‘good enough’ is indeed the best path forward.”   Twitter: @KajaPerina

@@@@@@@@@@@@

You Are Good Enough, p.26

“You were not at the top of the class, not the employee of the month, nor are you the ‘10’ you think your partner wants.   But you are probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.  If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.”

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The Good-Enough Partner:  When Your Partner Is Not Your Romantic Ideal, by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., p.45

“Having a good enough partner implies making some compromises that are contrary to romance.

Enough can be defined as ‘as much as necessary.’  In ideal love, enough is not enough, and you cannot get enough of your partner—the better she [or he] is, the more you want.   Nevertheless, some people are not fortunate enough to have even a ‘good-enough’ partner—they might have a ‘just-enough’ partner or a ‘barely enough’ partner.   Consequently, many people settle for a partner who is no good for them at all. 

This becomes more complex, as someone who initially seems barely good enough can end up being the most suitable partner.  A nicer-looking wealthier woman might not be good for you if her values and attitude do not jibe with yours.  In short, constant comparison is lethal. 

We do not expect Mr. Right to fulfill all our needs, as some of these needs are fulfilled by us, ourselves.   As in the story of the pot of gold buried in the garden, sometimes the treasure can be found right at home.”

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How to Polish Your Personality:  …Change starts with a critical assessment of your traits and whether they work well for you—or don’t.  By Grant H. Brenner, M.D., pp.46-53.

“Katherine was grappling with a problem of identity, a problem, that, I find, is much more common today than is generally recognized.  Who she really was had been suppressed for years, in part due to her sense of duty, in part to her desire to please others, and in part to worries about what would happen if she did not conform.  Yet she never completely forgot who she was.

When the circumstances of her life and marriage changed, the authentic needs and personality traits she had long downplayed took on new importance.  She now had more opportunities and the freedom to pursue them.   The awareness of mortality can be clarifying.  It drives a lot of our decisions.”

Source: Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com, March/April 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Caregiving Part One: Family and Friends

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“Caregiving is providing care for the physical and emotional needs of a family member or a friend at home.   It may involve assisting with meals, personal care, and transportation, helping with medical procedures and therapy”.   (Source:  www.benzieseniorsources.org)

“The most common type is the family caregiver who takes care of a family member without pay.   Other types include professional, independent, private, informal, and volunteer caregivers.”  (Source:  www.griswoldhomecare.com)

“Communication is key in the relationship between a caregiver and a patient.   It is important to both openly share feelings and remain empathetic to the situation.”  (Source:   Patient Empowerment Network, www.powerfulpatients.org)

Two interesting articles:

“Caregiver Tools:  10 Things to Add to Your Toolkit”, Medically reviewed by Judith Marcin, M.D., written by Ann Pietrangelo, updated on November 21, 2016.  Healthline.com.

  1. Documentation
  2. Medication management
  3. Caregiver calendar
  4. Home accommodations
  5. Me time [the most neglected]
  6. Mutual respect
  7. Objectivity
  8. Limitations
  9. Balance and boundaries
  10. Why the caregiver tools matter

“Very Much like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, the Symptoms of Burnout can Begin Surfacing Months after a Traumatic Episode.”   “Caregiver Burnout”, by M. Ross Seligson, Ph.D., P.A., May 11, 2017, Today’s Caregiver magazine at Caregiver.com.  

I joined the two groups below after I no longer had outings and other distractions to help me bear with my relative’s depression and bipolar symptoms during this pandemic.   I’ve always been a caregiver for someone most of my life, but I never realized until now that was what I was doing.

  1.  Coffee Tea and Me Caregiver Support Network on Facebook.  Shirl Parnell is the founder.  Located in Baltimore, MD, you can call Shirl at 443-538-1815 if you have questions about joining.

I found out about their existence from a member of an outdoor exercise class I was in that was discontinued due to cold weather.    I miss the hugs, handshakes, and physical closeness with others that helped to distract me away from depression myself.

Coffee Tea and Me Caregiver Support Network on Facebook has group prayer via conference call each Thursday morning at 6 a.m.  They also have guest speakers on the prayer line occasionally.   I found a little bit of God’s gold in the form of a conference call (425) 436-6397, access code 8363910 and you will be prompted to add an #. [If you have a Metro PCS or T-Mobile phone, you may have to use CTM’s back-up number 206 451 6063 before you use their regular number and access code]

  1. Another caregiving support group that I joined is DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance).   I signed up for the Family and Friends Group which is currently meeting on Zoom first and third Thursdays of the month at 7:15 p.m.   You can contact Louis M. Borowicz on email at louandvicki@verizon.net or call 410-467-4709 in the greater Baltimore area.  Website:  you can join the Persons w/Mood Disorders Group or the Family and Friends group (https://www.dbsalliance.org/helping-a-friend-or-family-member/dbsa-support -groups/).   Louis also recommended a book entitled YOU NEED HELP! by S. Conrad.

I can’t think about caregiving without thinking of the homeless.   One homeless man told me years ago that he was homeless because he refused to follow the rules of his brother’s house. 

I watched a documentary where a son was trying to help his estranged alcoholic father.   He got his father into Alcoholics Anonymous and even rented an apartment for him.   But his father continued drinking and nearly caused the apartment to catch fire.   So, the son decided that he would just help the father whenever he could and hoped that one day his father would stop drinking on his own.

Another problem that occurred in the 60’s was that President Ronald Reagan closed many state mental health facilities.   “1967 Reagan signs the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act and ends the practice of institutionalizing patients against their will, or for indefinite amounts of time.  This law is regarded by some as a ‘patient’s bill of rights’.   Sadly, the care outside state hospitals was inadequate.   The year after the law went into effect, a study shows the number of mentally ill people entering San Mateo’s criminal justice system doubles”.  (“Did the Emptying of Mental Hospitals Contribute to Homelessness?”, Jessica Placzek, December 8, 2016, kqed.org)

And, lastly, I don’t know if you have ever watched the television show, MOM, on CBS.  It has been on 7 seasons going on 8.   It is a drama, comedy, and romance.   The show is all about addictions:  alcohol and gambling mostly.  

Mother Bonnie (played by Allison Janney) is a past alcoholic, thief, con-woman, drug mule, etc. who only thought about herself and had a child Christy that she totally neglected (played by Anna Faris).   Now, both of them are in Alcoholics Anonymous with a group of female friends in the same boat.   

In season 6, episode 18, (“Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose”) Bonnie’s daughter Christy is so sick that she cannot stand up (the second time I can remember Christy being this sick).   But this time Bonnie steps up to the plate and becomes, of all things, a CAREGIVER!   She avoids going to an Eagles concert to stay home with her daughter (of course, after making her boyfriend turn around and drive her all the way back home to help Christy).

Then, we get to see a side of Bonnie we have never seen.   Christy becomes her only priority—washing her clothes, getting her medicine, bathing her, helping her to get to the bathroom to vomit, etc. to the point that she gets totally worn out herself and in tears because Christy’s sickness lasts for days.  

Christy never got this kind of care as a child and the lack of care helped push her too into alcoholism, stripping, gambling addiction, and helping her mother with a life of crime.  In other words, survivors at other people’s expense.  Christy reverts back to being a child for a while from this special treatment.   While marketing, Bonnie even helps another mother who is stressed about a sick child and unfortunately leaves a recovering Christy alone in the market which is Bonnie’s usual modus operandi.   I love the show but sometimes I just want to smack Bonnie and Christy!  

Rebecca Ancheta-Blum is the director of MOM (many projects back to 1980 In Living Color), creator and writer Chuck Lorre (a man of many tv shows including Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Young Sheldon, etc. back to 1988.), co-creators Gemma Baker (also Two and a Half Men and movie The Replacements), and Eddie Gorodetsky (also Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, Bob Hearts Abishola, and many more back to 1980s.)

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

President Trump is a Psychopath: See How Dr. Greenwood Proves It!

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Back on February 9, 2016, I posted an article entitled “Did You Know?  Are you a psychopath?” with  http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/7-facts-about-psychopaths-you-didn’t-know-before as a source.

However, on Twitter June 27, 2020, I found a reference to another article about psychopathy which was more detailed than the one I found previously on MSN.   I followed the source and made a copy of the whole 51-page article from https://medium.com/@vgwcct/a-duty-to-differentially-diagnose-the-validity-underpinning-the-diagnosis-of-the-president.    “A Duty to Differentially Diagnose:  The Validity Underpinning the Diagnosis of the President:  The Substance Behind the Assertion the President has a Serious Psychiatric Condition”.

The article/thesis was written by Vincent Greenwood, Ph.D., Executive Director of the Washington Center for Cognitive Therapy, washingtoncenterforcognitivetherapy.com.   It took me a few days to get through it because I wanted to understand his viewpoint of us not judging President Donald J. Trump who has a mental illness.  Greenwood writes in layman terms so that anyone can understand what he is trying to say. 

He began with two patients going through stress because it was 2020.   “The election year was upon us and the stakes were existential-level profound…more like something precious and vital to their core was under siege…the soul of the country…”

Basically the 45th President “has a disorder with no cure”.   “If you are the psychopath, you need to have a protective concern for all that cross your path, but unfortunately the president is incapable of developing that concern.   It is easy to be judgmental when the diagnostic signs of an illness are traits like constant lying, callousness, and remorselessness.”

“Do we have agency over our impulses and behavior, or are they determined by forces beyond our control (the venerable free will vs. determinism debate)?  What is our moral duty as a society if we had the power to predict that, some among us, are destined to inflict serious harm on our fellow citizens?   How do we balance the civil liberties of a potential perpetrator with the safety of the community?”

Dr. Greenwood answers these questions and more.   He gives a brief history starting with the development of psychiatry as a medical specialty back in 1844.   Reliability and validity were established by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-I) first edition 1952, 1968’s DSM-II, 1980’s DSM-III (the differences between editions were the number of diagnoses as they increased).

Next came the checklist for certain personality disorders:   The Hare Psychopathy Checklist—Revised (PCL-R) which measures the degree of psychopathy (1980 and revised 1991).   There are 20 items for which the examiner is asked to provide a rating of 0, 1, or 2 and the psychopath scores at least 25 or more on the above list of traits. 

“We don’t appreciate how many psychopaths, these dangerous predators [who score 30] are among us because some of the key traits (superficial charm, an ability to con others, lying) are designed to keep the condition hidden from others.”   Dr. Greenwood also discusses the difference between psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) which is a formal diagnosis in DSM-V.

He used examples we could relate to like the “Pre-Cogs” in the movie Minority Report (2002) with Tom Cruise in which crime was reduced to zero in Washington, D.C. because people were arrested before they committed the crime.  The memories of the Pre-Cogs were hacked just as any communication today can be and Tom Cruise’s character was sought for a murder he had not thought of beforehand.

This history of psychopathy was eye-opening and so interesting that I had to read it all.  Dr. Greenwood proves his point!

Written by Rosa L. Griffin