Some of you may know The Parable of the Drowning Man.
In a flood, a man sat on his rooftop praying for God to help him. Well, a rowboat came along to help but the man said basically “this is not the way God will save me.” Someone else came along in a motorboat. Although the water was rising, the man thought “this is not the way God’s going to save me either”. Finally, when the water had risen to the roof, a helicopter pilot hollered at him through a bullhorn that this was his last chance. He refused with wet feet and drowned. He went to heaven and asked God why He didn’t save him. And God answered, ”I sent you two boats and a helicopter”.
We too as caregivers male and female are guilty some times of not taking help when it’s offered.
I Kings 19:11-12
“And He said, go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake;
And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”
Sometimes God is not in the spectacular but in the still small voice. We as caregivers sometimes tend to second-guess God as the drowning man did. We don’t take help when it is offered. A friend, a relative, and even a stranger who becomes a friend may offer help but we refuse. Are we too tired, too stressed, too overwhelmed, too much of a perfectionist thinking nobody else can do it like us? We pass up opportunity after opportunity for “me-time” to go out and have some fun, have some quiet time to ourselves, accept a smile, a hug, a visit, a friendly phone call, a job, church, a movie, etc.
Even the person you are caring for may tell you that “you look tired, you need some time away from me” as Teraleen Campbell’s mother told her in her book, Carefree to Caregiver. Sometimes we feel guilty thinking that the person you are caring for will think less of you if you take time for yourself. It still takes a village to care for our loved ones. You need to establish your own group of relievers.
“It can happen so slowly that you don’t even notice it as you push your own social needs aside.”
Even the one you are caring for may be able to do some things if you let them from a to-do list of your making, i.e., open the blinds, wash their own eyeglasses, make their bed, get the mail or newspaper, put out a fresh dish towel, wind the clock, etc. And, if they don’t do it perfectly, accept their imperfection like God does with all of us caregivers.
The Mayo Clinic suggests that you:
- Accept help – don’t try to care for your loved one alone.
- Focus on what you are able to provide.
- Set realistic goals.
- Get connected.
- Join a support group.
- Seek social support.
- Set your own personal health goals.
- Take a break.
- Get short-term nursing help when you need it.
- Check local resources like the Department of Aging, AARP, etc.
Many of us have had “on-the-job training” when it comes to those we care about, but it’s alright to learn and prepare.
Sources:
“Caregiver Tools: 10 Things to Add to Your Toolkit” [Me time], Medically reviewed by Judith Marcin, M.D., written by Ann Pietrangelo, updated on November 21, 2016. Healthline.com.
“Caregiver Stress: Tips for Taking Care of Yourself”, mayoclinic.org, December 16, 2020.
Parable versions: Rationalwiki.org, Truthbook.com
Scripture from Authorized King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2001.
Written by Rosa L. Griffin
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