Editor’s Note, “Wanting What You’ve Got”, p. 5.

“Acceptance is not acquiescence.  Acquiescence is quiet, desperate defeat.  Acceptance is the ability to distinguish between a want and a need, and to abjure [solemnly renounce] the former.

My husband wants a sienna-tiled villa hanging off an Amalfi cliff, with a yellow Porsche and a green Ferrari in the garage.  (I just want the house.)  But he concedes that he does not need it.  In fact, it would be a hassle to actually own it all.  Acceptance sheds the need.   Acquiescence is not wanting to let go of the need and doing so only reluctantly.

To pursue the good-enough life is to accept imperfection, not to acquiesce to terms that make one miserable.

From the Stoics to some of the best cognitive behavioral techniques of the 20^th and 21 centuries, we are reminded of the importance of acceptance.

If we choose our battles well, if we frame the immutable as trade-off rather than dead-end, if we find that one talent rather than rue the ones we will never acquire, then ‘good enough’ is indeed the best path forward.”   Twitter: @KajaPerina

@@@@@@@@@@@@

You Are Good Enough, p.26

“You were not at the top of the class, not the employee of the month, nor are you the ‘10’ you think your partner wants.   But you are probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.  If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.”

@@@@@@@@@@@@

The Good-Enough Partner:  When Your Partner Is Not Your Romantic Ideal, by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., p.45

“Having a good enough partner implies making some compromises that are contrary to romance.

Enough can be defined as ‘as much as necessary.’  In ideal love, enough is not enough, and you cannot get enough of your partner—the better she [or he] is, the more you want.   Nevertheless, some people are not fortunate enough to have even a ‘good-enough’ partner—they might have a ‘just-enough’ partner or a ‘barely enough’ partner.   Consequently, many people settle for a partner who is no good for them at all. 

This becomes more complex, as someone who initially seems barely good enough can end up being the most suitable partner.  A nicer-looking wealthier woman might not be good for you if her values and attitude do not jibe with yours.  In short, constant comparison is lethal. 

We do not expect Mr. Right to fulfill all our needs, as some of these needs are fulfilled by us, ourselves.   As in the story of the pot of gold buried in the garden, sometimes the treasure can be found right at home.”

@@@@@@@@@@@@

How to Polish Your Personality:  …Change starts with a critical assessment of your traits and whether they work well for you—or don’t.  By Grant H. Brenner, M.D., pp.46-53.

“Katherine was grappling with a problem of identity, a problem, that, I find, is much more common today than is generally recognized.  Who she really was had been suppressed for years, in part due to her sense of duty, in part to her desire to please others, and in part to worries about what would happen if she did not conform.  Yet she never completely forgot who she was.

When the circumstances of her life and marriage changed, the authentic needs and personality traits she had long downplayed took on new importance.  She now had more opportunities and the freedom to pursue them.   The awareness of mortality can be clarifying.  It drives a lot of our decisions.”

Source: Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com, March/April 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin