“Caregiving is providing care for the physical and emotional needs of a family member or a friend at home.   It may involve assisting with meals, personal care, and transportation, helping with medical procedures and therapy”.   (Source:  www.benzieseniorsources.org)

“The most common type is the family caregiver who takes care of a family member without pay.   Other types include professional, independent, private, informal, and volunteer caregivers.”  (Source:  www.griswoldhomecare.com)

“Communication is key in the relationship between a caregiver and a patient.   It is important to both openly share feelings and remain empathetic to the situation.”  (Source:   Patient Empowerment Network, www.powerfulpatients.org)

Two interesting articles:

“Caregiver Tools:  10 Things to Add to Your Toolkit”, Medically reviewed by Judith Marcin, M.D., written by Ann Pietrangelo, updated on November 21, 2016.  Healthline.com.

1. Documentation
2. Medication management
3. Caregiver calendar
4. Home accommodations
5. Me time [the most neglected]
6. Mutual respect
7. Objectivity
8. Limitations
9. Balance and boundaries
10. Why the caregiver tools matter

“Very Much like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, the Symptoms of Burnout can Begin Surfacing Months after a Traumatic Episode.”   “Caregiver Burnout”, by M. Ross Seligson, Ph.D., P.A., May 11, 2017, Today’s Caregiver magazine at Caregiver.com.  

I joined the two groups below after I no longer had outings and other distractions to help me bear with my relative’s depression and bipolar symptoms during this pandemic.   I’ve always been a caregiver for someone most of my life, but I never realized until now that was what I was doing.

1.  Coffee Tea and Me Caregiver Support Network on Facebook.  Shirl Parnell is the founder.  Located in Baltimore, MD, you can call Shirl at 443-538-1815 if you have questions about joining.

I found out about their existence from a member of an outdoor exercise class I was in that was discontinued due to cold weather.    I miss the hugs, handshakes, and physical closeness with others that helped to distract me away from depression myself.

Coffee Tea and Me Caregiver Support Network on Facebook has group prayer via conference call each Thursday morning at 6 a.m.  They also have guest speakers on the prayer line occasionally.   I found a little bit of God’s gold in the form of a conference call (425) 436-6397, access code 8363910 and you will be prompted to add an #. [If you have a Metro PCS or T-Mobile phone, you may have to use CTM’s back-up number 206 451 6063 before you use their regular number and access code]

2. Another caregiving support group that I joined is DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance).   I signed up for the Family and Friends Group which is currently meeting on Zoom first and third Thursdays of the month at 7:15 p.m.   You can contact Louis M. Borowicz on email at louandvicki@verizon.net or call 410-467-4709 in the greater Baltimore area.  Website:  you can join the Persons w/Mood Disorders Group or the Family and Friends group (https://www.dbsalliance.org/helping-a-friend-or-family-member/dbsa-support -groups/).   Louis also recommended a book entitled YOU NEED HELP! by S. Conrad.

I can’t think about caregiving without thinking of the homeless.   One homeless man told me years ago that he was homeless because he refused to follow the rules of his brother’s house. 

I watched a documentary where a son was trying to help his estranged alcoholic father.   He got his father into Alcoholics Anonymous and even rented an apartment for him.   But his father continued drinking and nearly caused the apartment to catch fire.   So, the son decided that he would just help the father whenever he could and hoped that one day his father would stop drinking on his own.

Another problem that occurred in the 60’s was that President Ronald Reagan closed many state mental health facilities.   “1967 Reagan signs the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act and ends the practice of institutionalizing patients against their will, or for indefinite amounts of time.  This law is regarded by some as a ‘patient’s bill of rights’.   Sadly, the care outside state hospitals was inadequate.   The year after the law went into effect, a study shows the number of mentally ill people entering San Mateo’s criminal justice system doubles”.  (“Did the Emptying of Mental Hospitals Contribute to Homelessness?”, Jessica Placzek, December 8, 2016, kqed.org)

And, lastly, I don’t know if you have ever watched the television show, MOM, on CBS.  It has been on 7 seasons going on 8.   It is a drama, comedy, and romance.   The show is all about addictions:  alcohol and gambling mostly.  

Mother Bonnie (played by Allison Janney) is a past alcoholic, thief, con-woman, drug mule, etc. who only thought about herself and had a child Christy that she totally neglected (played by Anna Faris).   Now, both of them are in Alcoholics Anonymous with a group of female friends in the same boat.   

In season 6, episode 18, (“Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose”) Bonnie’s daughter Christy is so sick that she cannot stand up (the second time I can remember Christy being this sick).   But this time Bonnie steps up to the plate and becomes, of all things, a CAREGIVER!   She avoids going to an Eagles concert to stay home with her daughter (of course, after making her boyfriend turn around and drive her all the way back home to help Christy).

Then, we get to see a side of Bonnie we have never seen.   Christy becomes her only priority—washing her clothes, getting her medicine, bathing her, helping her to get to the bathroom to vomit, etc. to the point that she gets totally worn out herself and in tears because Christy’s sickness lasts for days.  

Christy never got this kind of care as a child and the lack of care helped push her too into alcoholism, stripping, gambling addiction, and helping her mother with a life of crime.  In other words, survivors at other people’s expense.  Christy reverts back to being a child for a while from this special treatment.   While marketing, Bonnie even helps another mother who is stressed about a sick child and unfortunately leaves a recovering Christy alone in the market which is Bonnie’s usual modus operandi.   I love the show but sometimes I just want to smack Bonnie and Christy!  

Rebecca Ancheta-Blum is the director of MOM (many projects back to 1980 In Living Color), creator and writer Chuck Lorre (a man of many tv shows including Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Young Sheldon, etc. back to 1988.), co-creators Gemma Baker (also Two and a Half Men and movie The Replacements), and Eddie Gorodetsky (also Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, Bob Hearts Abishola, and many more back to 1980s.)

Written by Rosa L. Griffin